"What have YOU done today to make you feel proud?" Heather Small (2000)
"What have YOU done today to make you feel proud?" Heather Small (2000) |
|
If you enjoyed this site, please click on logo above to register vote.
4th March 2002 |
For the first couple of weeks or so, Jackie attempted to record her thoughts in a daily diary, so that she could look back and tell me what happened and when. But when things got tough, it was one of the things that there was no time or wish to do. When I read this for the first time, it brought tears to my eyes, as it shows the care and worry of my partner in life, and the fears she was facing up to. ________________________________________________________ My
Diary of events about Steve's accident, Saturday,
24 June 2000 The
day started with us getting up at around 5.00am, and leaving home around 5.50am.
Arrived at Goodwood and parked in the Red car park (marshals campsite) as
instructed. Greeted
some marshals who had dared to call Steve 'Ugly' the day before.
Shared a joke with them, then made our way to the BARC signing on tent.
Said hello to Trevor Jackson and Steve signed on as usual, grabbed his
packed lunch and made our way outside to chat with the other marshals.
Although I wasn't working as I am still on recovery from my Hysterectomy,
I knew a lot of the marshals and we shared a few jokes and comments. Then went in search of a coffee.
Only one catering van had woken up to the fact that there was business to
be had that early in the morning. After
Trevor had said his bit, we clambered into the van to be taken to post.
I went along for the ride and to see where the post was that S was
working on. It was a long way up
the steep hill! Stayed
on post for around 15 minutes while things were set up, then made my way down
the hill to see the sights, and to familiarise myself with the area as Sue and
the kids would be coming tomorrow (Sunday).
Got wet a few times and found that I couldn't get the paddock area that I
wanted to. Never mind! Made
my way back up the hill to where the Soapboxes were being set off from for their
runs. Saw the gas turbine
cars pass - very unusual. Eventually
we got to what we had been waiting for - the soapboxes.
They had been towed to the holding area/startline a few minutes ago by
quad bikes. Some very unusual
designs of boxes there! The first
lot were sent on their way and disappeared from view.
The next row were lined up, but then we received word that there had been
an accident and there would be a ten-minute delay.
Oh well, get the coffee out! The
next four were eventually sent on their way and we then had news of another
crash - and that there would be a further delay.
Getting
a bit fed up with this, I packed up everything and walked up the hill to Finish
1 & Hubby! The time is now around 3.30p.m.
Dropped off my rucksack and a bag with something in for Steve - with
instructions to him not to peek! The
other marshals chuckled! Had a
quick chat with them then walked up to the upper paddock to get some photo's for
Steve of the cars and hopefully drivers as well. As
soon as I arrived (around 4.00 p.m.), it was an immediate dash to the loo!
I had just come out and wandered over to the barrier keeping the
spectators at bay when I saw the marshals move swiftly out of the paddock in the
direction of the track. As the area
is very woody, there wasn't any chance of seeing what had happened.
On hindsight, it is probably just as well. Heard that there has been an accident and thought, "this
could take a while, I'll get a drink" and dashed over to the burger van
before everyone else gets the same idea. I
wandered back to the spectator barrier and heard the marshal say that the racing
had been cancelled for the rest of the day.
"Doesn't sound good" I thought.
I casually asked the marshal where the accident had happened and he said,
"You can't get there, as they have closed the area off".
I said that I only wanted to know because my husband was marshalling.
He then said "Finish 1". My
heart dropped into my boots. I
threw my chocolate away and even put the cup in the bin, then charged down the
'service road' to the post. Came
across the 3 tractors that were being held back, as well as all the spectators.
I
made my way through to the front to the 2 marshals and asked if I could go
through as my husband was on the post and I just wanted to make sure he was o.k.
At first they wouldn't let me (and credit to them for doing their job
well). When they could see how
upset I was getting they said that they would ask the senior marshal when he
came back. He must have heard
because he came back on the quad bike. I
again explained the situation and he agreed I could go through.
Relief. Then I met another
marshal, he waved me though. I was
getting to within sight of the back of the post (again, couldn't see much as
there were so many trees). The last
marshal was very reluctant to let me through (which was very frustrating as I
could see the post). I was getting
very upset by this time and I think he saw this.
He asked me if I knew the marshals that we could see.
I said "yes" and he gave me permission to ask them if Steve was
o.k., and then could I please came back and return to the holding area (where
the tractors were). I agreed, thanked him, and then charged down to the post.
I
saw a familiar person straight away - George Bunns from FEKC.
He hadn't seen Steve. The
post observer then saw me and called me over.
He explained that Steve had been hurt and also told the medical staff who
I was. When
I first walked out onto the track I think my first impression was "Shit,
what a mess! What on earth
happened?" I think the amount
of emergency vehicles there took my breath away for a minute as well.
I then saw Dale Wells and Peter Judd (Chief observer) and they tried to
find out what had happened to Steve. The
rescue crews were asking me if I was o.k., and concerned that I took it easy. I
explained that I heard that Steve had been injured but didn't know what his
injuries were. When I first heard
that Steve had been injured, I felt sorry for him as he doesn't really like
medical things (Casualty is not his favourite program).
The Chief Medical officer then came over and told me that Steve had been
injured and that he was "a very poorly guy".
My heart, which had recovered from the initial shock of hearing of the
accident, went down again. Dale
then came and told me that a police car would come and pick me up and take my to
the hospital. I quickly packed
Steve’s bags and mine on post and asked Bob if he could look after the things
I had bought for Steve. I would be
back sometime to collect them. While
I was waiting to be collected, the rescue crews made sure that I was o.k. and
gave me a bottle of water and made me sit down.
The police car arrived and loaded me and the bags on board.
They then drove down the hill on the track, past marshals and spectators,
to the exit, which was past the house. I
was surprised at how quickly we arrived at the hospital. We
went straight to A & E and explained who I was.
I was then shown to the family room and there I stayed (although I had
quite a lot of visits to the loo that evening).
The police, Mark and Jo, were very kind.
They made sure that I wasn't left on my own.
Either one of them was with me, or a member of the medical staff.
Just
after I arrived (around 5.00 p.m.), one of the reception staff came and asked me
about Steve, and could I give a description so she find him for me.
(Andy had hair and was a slighter build to Steve)
She asked what colour hair Steve had.
I had to reply, "He has a receding hair line, and he is tall and
cuddly". She laughed at the
description and said she would find out what she could. A few minutes later she
came back and said that the medical staff were attending to Steve at the moment
and one of the senior team would come and talk to me when they could. I
think Jo then came back with my second cup of coffee of the evening and chatted
for a bit. The hospital chaplain
came to introduce himself, but I am afraid that as soon as I see them, I think
of bad news - like the last rites. Silly
perhaps, but I said hello to him and I think he got the 'silent' message that I
didn't really want him to be there. I
just wanted my family. A
while later, a chap walked in with an apron on with the words "orthopedic
registrar" on. Jo left me to speak with him in private.
He then sat down and asked me what I knew of Steve's injuries.
"Nothing" I replied. He
then went on to explain that Steve's left shin had been badly broken, with the
bones having broken through the skin, but he thought that they could save it (my
first thought was that they would have to amputate the foot - nothing prepared
me for what I was about to hear about his right leg).
He then carried on to say that the right leg had been taken off below the
knee in the accident. (I cannot
accurately describe the shock and feelings at this time - how is one supposed to
act when you learn that your loved one has lost part of his body?).
He then said that they would try to see if they could reattach the leg
(which he said was currently sitting in a bucket of ice!), but due to the way
that if had been severed, he doubted it. At
this time I just broke down. The
registrar left and Jo came back in. She
was great and very supportive. After
the initial shock had subsided, I knew that I would have to ring our parents and
let them know what has happened. My
first thoughts were for my mum and dad. In
my time of need, I knew they were there for me.
I calmed myself down and dialled Mum's number (there was a courtesy phone
in the room). As soon as I heard
Mum's voice I broke down again. When
I squeaked "Mum" she said very puzzled and concerned "Jackie?” I managed to sob out that Steve had had a bad accident and
that I was at the hospital. Mum
nearly dropped the phone in shock and said that her and Dad would leave
immediately. I managed to tell them
which hospital and they said they were on their way. I
then had to ring Jill & Gordon (ST - Steve's parents).
I was dreading this call, but knew that I had to make it.
I calmed myself down again then dialled their number.
Jill answered the phone and I explained what had happened. I could almost see her face go white. She then passed the phone to Gordon and I explained it again.
We then talked about them coming over and they said that they would hang
on at home for news. I gave them the phone number for the family room and said I
would ring them when I had more news. I
was taken to see Steve just before he went to theatre.
He was very woozy and I sort of joked with him that I couldn't leave him
alone for five minutes without him getting into trouble.
Kissed him on his dirty forehead, told him I loved him & left him to
the medical staff. I
calmed myself down again, went back to the family room and was talking to Jo
that I couldn't believe what had happened to Steve when I heard his mobile ring.
Yes, I know that they are supposed to be switched off in hospitals but I
didn't know where the phone was until it rang!
It
was Barry Sherwin (ST - BARC Clerk and friend).
He sounded very upset and asked what had happened.
I explained that it was Steve that had been injured, and I told him of
Steve's injuries. He then said that
John Davis (ST - BARC paramedic and friend) was phoning the hospital
direct to find out what had happened. I
finished talking to Barry when one of the ladies from reception said that a John
Davis was on the phone! I asked her
to put him through and explained to him what had happened.
I
was just talking to him when Russ walked through the door. I
have never been so pleased to see my little Boetie!
Apparently Sue needed some one to talk to after Mum & Dad had left so
quickly, so she phoned Russ. Patsy
had just come home so Russ explained what had happened and hopped in the car and
drove down to the hospital (about 20 min away).
Said a quick hello and finished talking to JD.
While I was finishing the conversation, Jo came in.
Quickly told her who Russ was and by the time I finished my call a few
minutes later, they were chatting like old mates!!!
They said it was the 'camaraderie' which people in the emergency services
have...........! Jo left us and I filled Russ in with all of what had
happened. He couldn't believe it
either. Around
7.30 p.m. Mum & Dad arrived. Had
huge hug from both of them and started weeping again.
Finally settled down and we started talking about the accident, and where
I had been when it happened. We
decided that Jill & Gordon should be there, as it was their eldest son that
was hurt. I rang them and got no
reply, so assumed that they were already on their way.
I was about to go to reception to ask them to show J & G to the
family room when Jo came in to say that Andy had died on the operating table.
Oh No! We were all shocked
and saddened by the news, and more worried that Steve may suffer the same fate.
I went out to reception and was talking to the receptionist when Derris
walked out. She came up to me and I
said that I was so sorry to hear about Andy.
She said Thank you and then asked how I was!
We had a quick hug then she went back to her family.
I finished talking to the receptionist and went back to the family room.
Shortly after, J & G arrived. More
hugs and crying. Need a bigger
family room. A nurse popped her
head around the door and mentioned Steve's overalls, and would I like them. Yes please, I replied. She
went to fetch them and left me a bag, which had Steve's overalls, his left boot
and his jumper in. Dad & Russ
took the bag, together with our two kit bags, out to Dad's car.
Dad
came back from putting the stuff in the car and a nurse, Debbie if I remember
correctly, took us upstairs to the Itchenor Ward (ICU) and showed us to the
visitors’ room there. We then discussed what to do about our car.
Mum & Dad offered to go and fetch it for me and park it in the
hospital car park. They left
shortly afterwards to go and get it. J & G and I sat chatting and waiting for news about
Steve. Mum
& Dad arrived back about and hour later.
They had had a bit of fun - though I am sure they won't agree with me!
Unfortunately, I couldn't really tell them where to go as the police had
bought me through the back roads to the hospital and I didn't have a clue how to
get to Goodwood from there, although I did remember which car park it was in!
When they arrived at Goodwood, they ended up in front of the House,
waiting for security to take them to the car park.
They finally arrived there and found the car.
They had just opened the door and Dad was trying to find the lights when
they we accosted by our very own 'guard marshal' - Mike Mulder!
He had heard someone 'messing' with our car and gone to investigate!
Mum & Dad explained who they were and Mike immediately 'backed down'
and then asked about Steve. They
finally found their way back to the hospital. While
we were waiting for them, the doctors who had operated on Steve's tummy came and
spoke to us. They said that they had had to remove around 12" of the
small bowel as it had been torn in the accident.
There were other capillaries and small veins which had also been torn but
they would heal in time. The bowel
would take time to settle down as it is very sensitive and doesn't like to be
handled. They were confident that
everything would settle down. We
asked what next and they said that as long as Steve was o.k. under the aesthetic
the orthopaedic surgeons would carry on and work on Steve's legs.
It could be another 1 1/2 hours before there would be finished.
Mum
& Dad arrived back shortly after that and we told them of the latest news.
They decided then to go home, as there wasn't much they could do.
J & G were going to stay and wait for more news.
The time is now around 10.30 p.m. We
sat in the room and waited - chatted at times, talked about how our lives had
been changed and that there was a long road ahead for all of us.
But, we would all be there for each other.
Steve may hate us at times, there will be frustration, tears and words -
but if it helps him to get mobile and gets his life back together again, then it
will be worth it. We are all just
glad that he is ALIVE. Sunday,
25 June 2000 Sitting
in that room, and not seeing or hearing anything, made the wait to hear news of
Steve very long. There was just
nobody about - talk about a Ghost Town! Around
1.00 a.m. we hadn't heard any news to we managed to stop a member of staff who
was delivering a package. We had a
word with her and in a short time a nurse came out form the theatre and
explained that Steve was still in theatre and would be for another 1 1/2 hours!
We thanked her and then decided that J & G would go home as they have
a 1 1/2 hr drive ahead of them. I
asked the nurse if I could get anything to eat, as it had been a long time since
lunch. She could only offer what
was in the staff vending machine - so I settled on a Yorkie!
I asked if there was somewhere where I could try and get some sleep. J & G left and I promised to ring them if anything
serious happened. If Steve, sorry,
WHEN Steve came out of surgery and he was settled comfortably, then I would ring
them at a more reasonable time. I
was shown to a room, which had a BED...Removed belt and boots and lay down on
the bed. Great, now for a little
shuteye. Easier said than done!
Images of Steve and how our lives had been devastated kept running
through my mind, I ended up crying myself to sleep.
Slept for around 2 hours and woke up shivering.
I had only lain on top of the bed, thinking I would be warm enough.
I think shock was to blame as well.
Had a couple of pieces of chocolate and checked the time.
It was about the time Steve was due out of surgery.
Put boots back on, and went round to ICU.
Pressed the buzzer as requested and asked if Steve was out of surgery
yet. They said that they had just
received a call to say that he was on his was.
They would call me when I could see him. I
finally got the call around 4.00 a.m. and went into ICU.
Each bed is in it's own colour zone - white, yellow, green - and yes,
Steve was in the Red zone. Ironic,
seeing as the accident had caused a red flag status on the track! He
was laying there with just a sheet draped over him - and I saw a left foot - but
no right foot. I think that was
when it hit me the hardest - to actually see what was missing (even now, nearly
2 weeks after the accident, I have tears in my eyes at the memory).
I lost count of the amount of tubes and needles he had in him, some of
them monitoring him, but some giving him vital fluids (I think it has helped
watching medical programs as they have given me some idea of what to expect on
an ICU ward - but it is different when it your loved one lying there).
But, I WAS SO GLAD THAT STEVE WAS ALIVE! Once
I seen that Steve was alive and settled in ICU, I went back to bed again to try
and get some more sleep. I knew
that the staff would call me if there was a problem. I
slept till around 5.45 a.m. (after going back to bed under the blankets this
time) then popped back to ICU to say that I was going back to Goodwood but would
be back at the hospital later. I
then drove to Goodwood and go there around 6.30 a.m., spoke to the chap on the
main entrance and explained who I was and that I just wanted to see the Chief
Marshal to collect something I had left behind on Saturday.
He kindly let me in. I drove
up to the BARC signing on tent and saw Trevor there.
He spoke kind words and gave me a sort of hug - this got the tears going
again! I managed to calm down and
told him the latest on Steve. I
had deliberately arrived early to beat the traffic, but a bit too early for the
marshals! Trevor offered me a
'lunch bag' for breakfast, and even gave me a cup of coffee from his own flask.
The marshals gradually arrived one by one, the first guy I saw I didn't
immediately recognise as he had a hat on! He
was the one who I spoke to at the top paddock and told me there had been an
accident. When
the other marshals gradually arrived I found myself repeating the story quite a
few times. It seemed to get easier,
but then somebody said more kind words and that got me all choked up again.
I was looking out for our 'guard marshal' and had a word with him and
thanked him for looking after our interests!
He said it was the quickest he had ever leapt out of the sleeping bag and
put clothes on! He was pleased, as
the all were that Steve had come through surgery o.k.
They all realised that he wasn't out of the woods yet, but the fact that
he survived was brilliant. While
talking to a couple of the marshals, one came up to me and asked if we were from
Canford Heath. I replied that we
were, and he said that he was from Wimborne and if he could do anything, to let
him know. I thanked him and I
mentioned the Karting. He asked
where was it and when I told him we’re at FEKC he couldn't believe it!
He sounded interested, but said he couldn't work this meeting as he had
to work at Liverpool Victoria. I
did a 'double take' and asked him to repeat where.
This time he was surprised when I told him that was where I worked as
well. Sounds like he might like to
marshal there in the future, which is good news.
Another marshal said that he would like to marshal at the circuit and
that he could do both days. I was
thrilled - that helped me tremendously. I
finished chatting to them and saw that time was moving on - and I needed to
leave before the event started as I had to drive on the track to get out!
I said goodbye to Trevor and asked him that when he gave his briefing to
all the marshals, to include news about S.
He said he certainly would (I think he would have done it anyway).
I caught up with Peter (Chief Observer) as he had the items that I had
left behind the day before. I then
left the circuit and returned to the hospital.
I rang both parents and told them that S had made it through the night
o.k. - We still had him! M
& D were coming through later on. They
were taking Sue & kids to Russ's and then coming to the hospital.
They said they would be there around lunchtime.
I ended up clock watching. S
was very deeply sedated so he didn't know that I was there.
I couldn't talk to him because every time I opened my mouth to say
something, I started crying. I was
getting so dehydrated by all the crying. I so much wanted to talk to him, to tell him that I loved him
and that I was so glad that he was alive - but I failed. Sitting there deliberately looking at his leg, knowing that I
had to accept it - to help S accept it. Not
knowing at the time how he was going to take the news.
Yes, he has lost his leg below the knee, but we still have S - which is
the most important thing. M
& D arrived but I was so exhausted that I asked if I could just go home.
I went back to say goodbye to S and then Mum came with me in my car, and
Dad went ahead in their car and we drove up to Russ's.
We had a bite of lunch and then Sue & Tammy came with me and Mark
went with Mum & Dad and we went home. Fortunately,
Dad went ahead and showed me the way home.
I was never so glad to get home! I
went up to bed and left everyone to their own devices!
Apparently, just after I had gone to bed, someone from the Echo called
round. Fortunately, Sue and Dad dealt with him.
I
only slept for around 1/2 hr but after I had got rid of the grogginess, I did
feel better. Sue had stayed behind,
and M & D has taken the kids back to their house.
Sue & I sat and chatted about the events of the weekend, still not
believing that what had happened had happened. And
then to bed, when I sobbed myself to sleep... Monday,
26 June 2000 In
a bit of a tizz as to what to do first. I
had to tell S work of what had happened, but couldn't do it over the phone.
Decided to get into work for around 8.00 a.m. to miss the work traffic,
and also as I was due to start work at 9.00 a.m. Sue
and I arrived at Abbey at around 8.00 a.m. we spoke to security and explained
why I wanted access. They let us in and I went to B100 reception.
Fortunately, Bernie (ST - Security guard and 10 pin bowling team
member) was on duty and had heard about the accident.
He tried to ring Tim, but no reply, tried Lawrie, but no luck there
either. I
asked Bernie if I could go upstairs and wait there and he said no problem.
He gave Sue & I our passes and we went upstairs.
S had changed desks since my last visit, but we managed to find the desk
o.k. While we were there, Ben and
Linda came over. They had heard
about the accident and were totally shocked.
I said that I was waiting for Tim and Linda said we could wait by his
desk. Just after we got there
another colleague, Jane, came in and the first words that she said were "Oh
my god! It is true.
I was hoping it wasn't, but seeing you standing here means it is".
She then went on to say that she was so sorry, and that was enough to get
me going again! Sue took over for a
minute while I calmed down again. I
then asked if any of S other bosses were in.
Linda thought that she had seen Nick (S 3rd up boss - after Tim &
Lawrie), and she would go and see if he could see us.
She took us over to see him and fortunately there was a conference room
we could use. Nick had been out of
the country for 3 weeks so hadn't heard about the accident. I explained what had happened and told him the full extent of
S injuries, at the same time asking that for general information, could they
just mention that S had serious leg injuries.
We didn't want to release the full details until we were sure that S knew
first. He was happy to agree with
that. As we were talking, someone
else came in. At present, I can't
recall his name, but he is the next boss up and head of the whole department.
I repeated to him what had happened to S.
They said that anything they could do, to let them know.
Sue suggested getting his email address so that we can send an update
when I issued one - it was easier than sending a separate message to everyone. I also said that if anyone wanted to send us a message, then
they could send to our email address. We
then left Abbey and drove to LVG (ST - Jackie's employer).
I was trying to decide where to park when I thought - sod it - I was
going to park under the building. I
just said that I was going to see Lisa about something.
Parked the car and went inside. Got
Sue a pass and went up to my section. Lisa
was there and her first words were "Oh my god Jackie, we have been so
worried". I then told her
everything that had happened and she told me straight away not to worry about
work, and to concentrate on S. I
thanked her and left. Sue & I
went to Westbourne and went to the bank, where standing in the Lobby when S's
phone rang. Sue handed me the phone
and it was Mick Fowler - very shocked and concerned.
I had to explain in this small room with around 11 strangers what had
happened to S (you could almost see them listening and thinking 'I wander if
that is the same guy who was injured at Goodwood?') Did
a few things in Westbourne and then thought we had better ring Mum and let her
know what is happening. She was very relived to hear from us, as she wasn't sure
what was happening. Sue
and I made it back home and changed, then finally left for the hospital around
2.30 p.m. Barry Sherwin had asked
if he could see S on the Monday. He
had been at Croft for the weekend for the BTCC.
He had to collect his car from Thruxton, and he would then go to the
hospital. J, G & Kev were already there when Barry arrived.
A little problem occurred. I
had rung the hospital on Sunday to say that I was happy for Barry to see S and
gave them his full name. However,
in the meantime a password, Springbok, had been set up to 'protect' S from
unwanted people getting info about him, or visiting who shouldn't. Problem was, I hadn't told Barry the password!
As it was, G told him and he was allowed in.
When Sue & I arrived, Barry was just leaving.
We stopped for a chat in the car park and got an update from him as to
how S was. He admitted that he had
given S a bit of an ear bashing, saying that he has to stop lazing around as he
wants him back on post for the next weekend!!
We let Barry get on his way and went in to see S.
We met up with Gordon in the visitors’ room and he said that after
Barry had left, S's eyes flickered and he squeezed J hand. Mild excitement! We
went through to see S and J & Kev were still there. They left us to S and I walked up to him, gave him a kiss on
the forehead, and asked him if Barry had been giving him an 'ear bashing'.
He nodded!!! I muttered something about sorting him (Barry) out then let
Sue say hello. We stayed and
chatted to him, getting minimal response - but that was more than we expected.
Stayed for a while then let J & G come back in again, we sat with K.
They all then left and just Sue & I remained.
We stayed for while longer and then said TTFN and that I would be back
tomorrow. We then had a 1 1/4 hr drive home. Tuesday,
27 June 2000 Sue
had stayed overnight and I woke up early - as I seem to be doing since the
accident. I seem to have taken over
S sleeping habits - by waking around 5.30 a.m. and not being able to go back to
sleep again. Did
some things round the house in the morning and then went with Mum to see S in
the afternoon. He is still very
heavily sedated so we didn't get much response from him. Wednesday,
28 June 2000 Hadn't planned on seeing S today and he is supposed to be going to London. Sue was with me and she had gone to the shops for something - and was ages! The phone rang and it was the hospital. They were saying that S wasn't being moved today, as he needed to be off the respirator for 24 hrs before he was moved, and that then meant Thursday. She said that S was worried about me! I said I would be at the hospital around 2.00 p.m. (the current time was 12.15 p.m.). Sue then chose to come in the door - I said to her "Get yourself ready - we are going to the hospital now!" "Oh Help" she says and out of the door we go! At this stage I was moved from Chichester Hospital to Charring Cross for plastic surgery and reconstruction work on my legs. However it seems I had a rough time of things and Jackie gave no thought to doing anything but attending hospital to be at my bedside, worry about me and sleep fitfully. So the diary picks up a couple of weeks later. Monday,
10 July 2000 Jill & Gordon collected me from M
& D and took me home so that I could get the things ready that Steve asked
for (t-shirts and book) as M & D were going to collect them and bring them
up with them on Tuesday. Saves me
carrying them. We then went to the station where I was
catching the train to Waterloo. Asked
the guy when I bought my ticket about an upgrade to 1st class. He said that on weekends we can pay £3, and subject to
availability, can have a seat in 1st class.
I then asked why I had been charged £5 on Saturday (8/7/00) when buying
the ticket from Waterloo station. He
said that was a mistake and I was given a form to write and 'complain' about the
overcharge. I am also going to
mention that having paid the extra, and confirming with the conductor on the
train that I was sitting in the correct carriage for Poole (the first 5
carriages of the 10 carriage train go onto Poole, etc) we were told around
Christchurch that the BACK five carriages were going onto Poole.
I was not impressed! I was
not going to struggle through 4 carriages with at heavy kit bag to the 1st class
carriage. By the time I got there,
we would have been in Poole already! The train (an older one) arrived early
and wasn't too full. We set off and
'rattled' our way to London. We were chugging way nicely when we got to
Micheldever. There we sat for a few
minutes. The guard then announced
that a train had broken down on the track ahead - Oh Great, I didn't need the
delay! A couple minutes later he
was back on the tannoy announcing that the train ahead had actually hit an
obstruction on the track and the rails were being inspected for damage. We set off again, and considering the reason for the delay,
we weren't delayed for very long (around 10 min).
We had a couple of slow stages during the trip and finally arrived in
London 15 min late. Grabbed bags and dashed down the
platform towards the tube station for the Jubilee line towards Green Park
station. Arrived at GP and hoisted
my bag on my shoulder and charged down to the flat.
Once inside the front door, rang Sis on Steve's phone.
Got told off for not answering the phone earlier!!!
For one thing, the phone doesn't work in the tube, and then I wasn't
going to drop my bag just to answer the phone!
Told her where I was and that I would be at least another 1/2 hour.
She actually made the accurate comment that while they had a comfortable,
leisurely drive, I had been charging round carrying heavy bags and getting worn
out! I dropped my bag in the flat,
and then charged back to GP to continue my journey on the Jubilee line to Bond
Street. There changed to Central
line and chugged to East Acton. There
hopped on the bus and arrived at the Hospital.
Not far from the anticipated 1/2 hour!
Rang Sis and she and Tam & Mark joined me there. Went up to ICU and managed to get
straight in to see Steve. He was
looking well. I did my usual 'wash
hands and put apron on' then went to say hello.
I asked him if he was ready for this, and when he eagerly nodded, I went
to call the first visitor. Mark
came in first and gave Steve his drawn beer bottle.
I said to Steve that was to remind him what was waiting at home for him,
and he gave the thumbs up! Mark
didn't quite know how to 'talk' to Steve so I prompted him to tell Steve what he
had been up to while he had been here. He
chatted about Paultons park and other bits and pieces.
A short visit then we called Tam in.
She bought the present for Steve and I think he was quite touched by it.
He struggled a little to open the present, and I was about to help him
when he managed it - giving me a look that said,
"see, I have got some strength left!!" He was touched by the Hippo, with the
two photos of Sue and the kids (one very silly one, and one very nice one).
He also like the card Tam had made for him on Russ's PC.
I needed to prompt Tam, as she found it a little difficult to make
conversation with him. I soon had
them chatting about the holiday. She
said goodbye and I called Sue in. Surprisingly
enough, I didn't need to prompt her!!!!! We
managed to have a joke or two and made Steve raise his eyes as he does!
The nurse who was injecting some antibiotics into one of Steve's
'resident' needles couldn't help laughing at us!
Steve wrote that he was sorry for messing the holiday up - Sue
immediately came back very strongly and told him not to be so silly - it wasn't
his fault. She stressed to him that
we were all just so glad that he had survived.
We stayed chatting for around 15 min then decided she had better go -
also because the kids were sitting in the waiting room on their own. I gave him a quick kiss and said I would
get rid of Sue, Tam & Mark (OOPS! I
meant that I walked them to M & D's car!!!) As it was I had to get M & D
as it was raining and I was the only one with a raincoat on! Said goodbye to them all and they went on their way.
Popped into the hospital shop and bought Steve a rugby magazine. Went
back upstairs and when I requested to see Steve, I was told that they were busy
with him and I would have to wait a few minutes.
50 min and a cup of coffee later I thought I had been patient enough and
rang the buzzer again. The same
lady saw me and I said that I was still waiting.
She looked most apologetic and said I could come in.
They had just been cleaning Steve up and the dye they had given him for
his stomach had gone straight through him and he needed cleaning up!
Sat with Steve and read all his cards
(current count around 50) to him. When
I came to the one from Bobbie, which read "You are far too young to join
Alan yet", Steve started to cry. I
put down the other card I was about to read and encouraged him to cry - I said I
would even join in (which I promptly did!)
We had a little weep together and I think he felt better after that - I
know I did. I finished reading all the cards and
messages and just sat with him. A
doctor came in and said that he would be transferred to Charring X that
afternoon/evening. The plastic
surgeons and orthopedic surgeons wanted Steve closer to them - as they are based
there. It was good for Steve and
us, as we wanted him back there at CX anyway.
I left Steve at around 6.00 p.m. as I
was feeling very tired. Caught the
inevitable tubes back to the flat and went to bed around 10.00 p.m. Tuesday,
11 July 2000 Did a bit of shopping in the morning and
got myself to Waterloo around 11.30 a.m. Mum
& Dad were due in on the 12.03 p.m. train from Poole. Had time for a coffee. Went
into the Reef Cafe and had a cappuccino. Went down very well. In
a state to shock - M & D train arrived on time!! Went back to the flat to drop off their bag & show them
the flat. Back to the tubes and onto Hammersmith
to have lunch in The Old Trout. The
lady who served us remembered me and asked how Steve was!
Nice of her to ask. Had a
nice lunch again. Walked down to the hospital only to find
that Steve had recently gone into theatre!
I think he is trying to avoid his P.O.L!!!
(ST - Pa OutLaw - affectionate name) They
said that he would only be gone around an hour - can we come back then?
Off we went to another coffee - read the papers and checked our watches.
Time to go and see Steve. Back
to the ICU on floor 11. Pressed the
buzzer and asked to see Steve. He
had literally arrived about a minute ago! We
then had to wait while they settled him in.
I was then allowed to see him. M
& D said they would wait downstairs for me as Steve was very woozy, he
wouldn't realise that they were there. I had to leave my coat at the entrance,
put on an apron and gloves. Then by
his actual bed, I had to put on one of the 'surgical' gowns to cover my
clothing. Phew - I am going to cook
in this lot! Steve was very woozy - it sounded like
they had given him a bit too much aesthetic.
He seemed to realise I was there because he said something to me that
pulled at my heartstrings. He said
"Please take me home". I
told him that was what I wanted to do but I couldn't because he has to stay so
that the nurses could look after him. He
asked me about 4 times where he was - so I just explained the he was in Charing
X hospital and that had just been to theatre and had the dressing changed on his
legs. They did it in theatre as it
was more comfortable / less painful for him.
He then complained of pain in his left leg and he was given the pain
relief in the hand control that he had before.
I asked if he remembered how to get the relief, by pressing the button.
He nodded so I encouraged him to press the button, which he did.
It took as short while but he finally settled down. The nurses then needed to change his
sheet as the theatre staff had changed his dressings but not his sheet!
So I explained to him that he would be turned on his side to change the
sheet, and that it may hurt - but that they would be as quick as possible.
When they turned him over, I was standing at the head of the bed just
stroking his head to try and comfort him. It
was then that I discovered a huge gash on the back of his head.
At first I thought it was matted hair, but on further investigation, was
shocked to find that it was a gash, and that it looked very black.
As soon as they had finished sorting Steve out, I mentioned it to Amita,
the nurse. She didn't know anything
about it! Fair dues, he had only
just arrived with them. I said that
I hadn't been told anything about a wound on his head.
She said she would check the wound and the notes to see if anything had
been mentioned about it. I then left Steve as he was very sleepy
and thought it was best for him to sleep. I
rejoined up with M & D and we made our way back to the flat.
We arrived back at the flat worn out.
We all slept pretty well that night!
Wednesday,
12 July 2000 Up around 6.30 a.m.
Mum also awake to put kettle on - only to find Pa awake as well!
We ended up having tea in the lounge.
Rang the hospital at 9.00 a.m. and spoke
to Amita (nurse). Steve was doing
o.k. He had had some yoghurt and
orange juice, which was excellent news. I
bet he enjoyed it as well! I asked her about the gash on his head.
They had noticed that it was there because he came in with it.
She said that she had had a look and it looked to be o.k.
It was weeping a bit but they couldn't put anything on it because of
where it was. She explained that
the black appearance was dried skin. I
asked her that if Steve had had a bang on the head, and suffered concussion,
could this be an explanation as to why he was being sick?
She said that she would mention it to the doctors.
I also asked if I could speak to the doctors and I have quite a few
questions to ask. She said they
should be available after the morning rounds, around 12.00 p.m. In the meantime, I am typing these notes
up and M & D are reading as we are waiting for 10.30 am to start making our
way to the hospital. Off we go... Back again... I think the only word I can use to
describe S today is 'hyper'! His
eyes are open very wide, wider than normal.
He is chattering away (trying to make up for lost time I think!) But it was great to hear him talk. They removed his tracheotomy and just left a smaller tube in
with a 'plug' to seal the tube. The
hole round the tube was round and smooth and there was a gap between the new
tube and his skin. I think I could
have fitted my forefinger into the hole. I
asked him how he was feeling and he said o.k.
I asked about pain and he said, "can't feel a thing".
Which was nice to hear after yesterday, although I think the painkillers
have to be thanked for that. At
least he is comfortable. I asked if he was ready to see his
'out-laws' and he said "yes" very positively.
I was asked to move way for a moment, as they needed to take x-rays of
his left leg. I took the
opportunity to ask why S had been moved to Hammersmith directly after his last
big operation. "We didn't have
a bed" was the reply. Fair
enough! S needed the surgery urgently as there was infection that needed to be
removed, so they did the operation and found the nearest ICU bed for him. After the x-rays, I bought Mum in.
She had a chat with S and I showed her the gash on the back of S head.
Just then the anesthetist arrived and checked S lungs and he seemed happy
with them and with S breathing. He
explained that S was going to be in theatre tomorrow and they would be working
on his leg shin and right stump. I
asked if he knew what time he was going to theatre.
He said that I need to ring around 6.00 p.m. they should be able to give
me some idea. Mum said goodbye and I called Dad in.
He was delighted to see S the way he was.
Every time he had seen S before he has been doped up the eyeballs!
Just after dad arrived, so did S lunch.
Soup, custard, jelly and.... an ice cream! If possible, S eyes opened even wider!! He was tucking straight into the soup when I asked if I could
show Dad the gash. He obligingly
moved his head forward while still eating his soup!
The ice cream was next. A
strawberry corneto and the look of bliss on S face and the sounds of sheer
enjoyment showed that S was definitely enjoying it. He ate the soft top bit then handed me the bottom, wafer bit
to finish! The look on Dad's face! I
think he half hoped he could have it!! Sorry Dad!
While S had been tucking into the grub, Dad mentioned to S that he was
designing his new leg for him. He
was going to put a small generator in the knee, which would operate a
temperature device in the leg. In
the shin/calf area would be a crevice with a flap in the shin area.
The crevice would hold a couple of Castles and the flap could be operated
by a push button on the upper leg and a lever would take a castle and had it to
S!!!!!! S definitely gave the
thumbs up for this one!!! Dad is
going to try and draw this and when S goes to get his leg, he is going to take
the sketch with him and ask them (with tongue in cheek) if they can make him a
leg to the design!!!!!! (Can't imagine what the reply would be!!!!!!) We left shortly after that as it was
rest time and we left S to finish his lunch.
We went to find our own lunch - back to The Old Trout again. Nice lunch again. Came back to the flat and collected M
& D luggage. Dad suggested that
as I am not supposed to carry heavy luggage, they would take my bag home with
them with some things I can do without as I am coming home on Sunday.
That would leave me my rucksack and the new case I was going to buy (one
with wheels and a retractable handle - and cabin size).
We then made our way to Waterloo and only had to wait a few minutes
before their train was ready for boarding.
They went through and I felt a little lonely.
Didn't have time to be lonely - time to
go and see S again. Tubed through
to Hammersmith and, after a detour to the Disney Shop to get an umbrella, walked
down to the hospital. Arrived back
with S around 3.15 p.m. to be greeted with news that he was being moved to South
8 ward very soon. 'Very soon'
turned out to be 6.30 p.m.!! Before
he was moved, David Floyd (the plastic surgeon) came to talk with S and tell him
what he was going to do to him... He
explained that they were taking a muscle from under his right arm (torso side)
and using it to cover the large gash in his left shin (the hole is around
3" long by 2" wide - huge hole! and goes down to the bone!).
Hence the reason for using muscle and skin alone would not be enough to
cover the hole. They are going to
put a skin graft on his right leg (forgot to ask where they are taking the graft
from - will find out tomorrow!). After David had left, we chatted a bit,
just sat together, and then finally the bed arrived to take him down to South 8.
I helped a little getting him moved, then went down in the life and Amita
(the nurse) can down as she needed to 'hand' Steve over to South 8.
He went into the same room he had been in before!
I went to fetch his things that had been left behind from last time and
settled everything in, while the nurses settled S in.
He was a little unimpressed that he had to sleep overnight in an ordinary
bed. He is used to a special one
that moves to prevent bedsores. The
sister assured him that he would have one once he returned from surgery
tomorrow. Once we had been left alone, S said he
thought he was sitting on something. I
checked where all his leads and catheter tube were - everything looked o.k.
He then mentioned that it was between his legs!
I glanced over and could see the nurse looking into the room.
I walked over and pushed the door closed - I didn't want to be observed
with my hand down between my husband’s legs!!!
What was making him uncomfortable was where the towelling protective
sheets, which they use to protect the sheets from the seepage from his legs, was
tucked up under him. I pulled them
straight and he said that was much better.
Covered him back up again and opened the door again. S had been given some yoghurt and jelly,
which he started eating. He had a few mouthfuls and suddenly seemed to loose his
appetite. Rather than waste it, I
tucked in and finished the tubs he had opened. Left the one that was still
sealed. He then said he was feeling
tired. I asked if he wanted me to
leave, and he said, "Yes please".
I said that wasn't a problem. It
was now 7.30 p.m. and had been a long day - and I think he was also getting a
bit preoccupied about the operation tomorrow.
I lowered his bed as requested to that he could lay flatter, kissed him
goodbye and said I was sure that the op tomorrow would go fine.
It was only going to take such a long time because of the delicate nature
of the surgery involved - joining all the blood vessels, etc of the various
bits. Told him I loved him and left
him. By the time I got back to the flat it
was around 8.15 p.m. (after a detour to Tesco to get some food). Spoke to Gen
and organised to meet them in the Springbok Bar on Saturday at around 12.30 p.m.
for lunch. We would then go and see
S. They would be the first visitors
other than family who would see S. It
will be good for him to have people other than medical personnel or family to
see him. Had some grub, after speaking to J &
G and then M & D, and then went to bed! Thursday,
13 July 2000. Woke up (around 7.00 a.m.) to a very miserable morning - raining!! Thankfully, it has eased off a bit by now (9.00 am).
Thinking of S as he should be in theatre at the moment.
I hope he as, otherwise he will have more time to lay and think about it. It is now 9.00 p.m. and it has been a
long day. I went out around 10.00
a.m. after having a chat with the cleaner, Anne.
I went to M & S and bought the suitcase I wanted.
Started using it immediately by putting my umbrella in the side pocket!
I was soon whizzing down Oxford Street with the case in tow. I have been trying to get a new paid of
trainers. My Williams ones, which
are so comfortable, are wearing out. I
tried on a few different pairs - either trainers are being made smaller, or my
feet are getting bigger (heaven forbid!). I
almost gave up but saw BHS and tried in there. No good in the ladies department so went to the
men’s. Found a couple of pairs I
liked, tried them on and actually bought a pair.
And the cost? £11.20! Can't complain! Got back to the flat around 3.00 p.m.
and rang the hospital, expecting S to be back in his room (having been told it
could be a 6-7 hour operation). They said he wasn't back yet, could I try again
in 2-3 hours time!!! I am afraid I
have a quick weep. Why does he have
to keep going through this - I know the answer but it still isn't fair! I waited impatiently waited till 5.00
p.m. and rang again. He STILL
wasn't back, and the nurse on the phone almost terminated the call.
I asked her if she could find out more details for me as I was very
concerned about the length of time taken. She
called the nurse looking after S and she said that she couldn't get any more
information at this time, but she did say that S was aware that the operation
could take anything from 6-12 hours! S
may be aware of that, but he was asleep! She did offer to ring me when Recovery rang her to tell her S
was out of theatre. I thanked her
for that, and so I waited.......... I rang J & G to let them there would
be a delay in getting news and that I would call once I had received news.
I then called Barbara and changed my hair appointment to Monday and had a
long chat with her. While I was on the phone, my mobile rang.
I excused myself from Barbara and answered it.
It was the hospital to say that S was in recovery and his condition was
stable (after 10 hours in theatre!!!). I
thanked her for letting me know, then went back to Barbara.
When I had finished the call, I rang J & G and let them know the news
I had been told. We arranged to
meet up at The Old Trout for lunch at around 12.30 p.m. (assuming that the train
arrived on time!). It saves me a
trip back to Waterloo, as I am going to see S for around 11.00 a.m. I rang M & D and let them know what
was happening, and that I would speak to them again tomorrow.
Sarah Prisgrove then rang & had a long chat with her, it was such a
long chat that it used all my battery up! It
was good, as I wanted to have a full charge for tomorrow.
The phone was busy charging when it rang again.
My first thought was that it was the hospital - but fortunately it was
Karen Baker. Had a good chat with her and they are very keen to come and
see S as soon as he is ready. Hopefully
it won't be too long. If all goes well, I will be with S
tomorrow - not sure what state he will be in! Or if he knows who I am. He will of course be different as he will now have a drain
from under his right arm, and goodness knows what his left leg will look like.
What we don't know is where they have taken the graft from for his stump.
Hopefully, we will find out tomorrow! Oh well - just about time for
bed........... 10.50 p.m. and while busy typing up this
diary (catching up with the early days) my mobile rang. Flew into the kitchen where it is on charge and answered it.
It was David from the hospital telling that S was back in his room and
drinking a cup of tea!!!!! I definitely didn't expect to hear him say that!!!
Good news!!!! Thanked him very much for letting me know.
I think I will go to sleep with a smile on my face! G-Nite zzzzzzzzzzzzzz Friday,
14 July 2000 Had a lazy start to the day. Got ready to go and see S at 10.30 a.m. when visiting was
allowed. Left flat around 9.30 a.m.
and went to Hammersmith, bought the special Autosport for S and a TV book for
next week, then walked down to the hospital.
Arrived a bit early so sat outside & read for a few minutes.
Finally got to his room at 10.35 a.m. (as per their clock). Said hello to
Hubby and chatted for a while. He
said he was comfortable, but the back of his head was sore where they had
restitched it! So it seems that the wound had been treated - but by whom?
According to Charing X, there isn't any mention of the wound in the notes
from Chichester. Anyway, it was great to see him awake
and chatting to me. I asked him
whom the lovely flowers were from, but he hadn't opened the card yet.
I preformed the task for him and the flowers were from Charles and Janet
March. They are beautiful flowers -
the roses were a dusky pink on the edges with a cream base - and had a
delightful smell. I then spent around an hour sticking all
his get-well cards onto the wall. Ran
out of blue tack! S was drifting in
and out of sleep induced by the morphine. It
was enough just to be there with him - and see that he was o.k.
We had the occasional eye contact and that was warm.
Talking of warm, he was being kept 'tropically warm' to keep his blood
flowing nicely through his 'moved' muscle and skin grafts.
I stayed till 12.00 p.m. then it was time to return to Hammersmith to
meet up with J & G for lunch in The Old Trout. Had lunch and then we returned to CX
hospital. We had to wait for nearly
an hour to see him as he was using the 'pan', then they needed to change the
bedding. I asked when we could see
him and the nurse in a few minutes. We
waited for a while and I put my head round the door and he was alone! They had finished with him but didn't tell us!
Anyway, we finally got in to see him.
Shortly after we were all chatting, there was a knock on the door, and a
chap asked if Stephen Tarrant was here. We
chorused, “Yes” and he delivered a HUGE basket of fruit from Harrods!
Upon opening the card, found the gift to be from 'All the staff at
Goodwood!' It is a stunning basket
and so heavy, I can't lift it! There
must be a sample of nearly every type of fruit you can get.
Will get a photo of it tomorrow. We chatted some more and then S started
getting tired around 4.00 p.m. I
suggested we went and got a coffee, and let him have a sleep.
We went downstairs and had a coffee and a bun. We went back up 1/2 hr later and he had had a doze.
We didn't stay much longer as he was still sleepy.
J & G left me to be alone with S and I arranged to meet them
downstairs by the fish tank. We had a chat and he almost apologised
for the fact that a second in time had so drastically changed our lives.
I said it was not his fault and we would have to make a lot of changes
but we can get through this. We still had each other!
That was the first important step to the future.
I kissed him on the forehead (he had an oxygen mask on) and told him I
loved him. Now that he has the
tracheotomy removed he can now say that he loves me too - which is great to hear
him say (although I know it anyway). Said
I would see him tomorrow morning. Joined J & G downstairs and asked
them what they wanted to do - come back to the flat for a while to let rush-hour
die down - or to join rush-hour and go home.
They came to the flat! We
had a little tea then I walked them back to Green Park tube station and pointed
them in the direction of the Jubilee line. Came back to flat, rang M & D and
gave them the update. Then spoke to
Barry as we hadn't chatted much this week.
Gave him the update and he said that so many people ask him almost daily
of S condition, including John Felix. He
again offered his help and we said cheerio.
Nothing else much done this evening
apart from typing today’s events! Going to watch 'Tarrant on TV', then
time for bed I think. Saturday, 15 July 2000 Awoke early as usual after not sleeping
very well and popped into the shower. Set
off around 9.30 a.m. to see H. Stopped
in Hammersmith to find a plug adaptor for H so that he can have his hot blanket
on, as well as his TV. Finally
found one and still got to the hospital in time for start of visiting time.
Kissed S good morning and asked he was doing.
Said he only got a couple of hours sleep.
The staff were concerned about S lack of sleep - but as S explained to
them - he usually has a very busy life style and wasn't very tired doing
nothing. And he was missing me as well.
I will encourage him to get up and about soon - the sooner he is mobile
and doing things for himself, the sooner he can come home! Opened S basket of fruit - I sorted it
all and checked with S which he wanted to keep.
He kept the following: black and white grapes, cherries, pears, bananas,
3 very large nectarines and some other 'hairy' fruit that we haven't identified
yet! I put the other fruit - large
pineapple, 2 kiwi fruit, a passion fruit, large melon, mango, around 7 apples, 8
plums and 2 huge oranges on one side to bring back to the flat. It took nearly an hour to sort all them out and wash them
all. I then left S and got on the Piccadilly
line to Covent Garden. I had
forgotten what a pain it is in the station - you have to use lifts to get from
track level to the top surface. There
are stairs, but the stairs are steep and narrow. Plus I don't 'do stairs' very
well!
|
